Compliments

So, if you know me even a little bit you probably know that compliments make me very uncomfortable.  I've gotten much better over the years but it's still a hard thing for me.  And when you put yourself on stage you are sorta asking for them.  In high school when someone would come up to me after a concert  I would quickly find something they were wearing to compliment back.  Slowly over the 16 or so years that's I've been performing I've gotten better.  Most likely if you have complimented me in the past few years I've smiled and said "thank you so much" or "that means so much to me" which I think is much better than "thank you, I really love your sweater".  Don't get me wrong, I truly am grateful and your words really do mean a lot to me, I just never know how to respond.  I think it's my shy personality.  I know what you are thinking - If you are so shy then why do you get up in front of people and sing?  Well, somedays I don't really know why but most days it's because I love singing and I love writing songs and I especially love making music with others.  And people seem to want to hear my music and I'm a people pleaser so I give them what they want:)  There must be a part of me that likes being on stage because why would I keep booking shows if I didn't like it.  It's definitely not the attention.  I guess it could be that you have to listen to me because I have the microphone and as a kid I was also fighting my brother to get a word in.  Or most likely it's that I like the emotion of it.  I like making people feel the emotion of a song.

Last year I sang the national anthem at the Coca-Cola 600.  The race was rained out and had to be rescheduled and the folks that had played the anthem the day before couldn't come back.  So - I went to do it.  It was the most terrifying thing I have ever done.  But also one of the most amazing.  I have sung the National Anthem hundreds of times but this time I was so scared I would forget the words.  If I sang the best I ever had no one would really care...BUT...if I sang the wrong words it would be all over youtube.  Once they brought me out onto the track it all happened so quickly.  Before I knew it I was singing and then people were clapping and it was over.  I didn't forget any words but there was definitely a bit more vibrato in my voice that day:)  Anyway, I say all this to mention the applause.  It was one of the most intense feelings I've ever experienced.  To be in the center of a "circle" of about 100,000 people clapping and cheering for the country was amazing and gave my goose-bumps all over.  I was completely in the moment then, realizing that most people in the world will never have this experience made me feel blessed.

I have the privilege of singing at Lake Forest Church on a regular basis and have a similar experience almost every time I sing.  Although this time it's not the applause it's the voices.  When Kyle and I move away from the mic's and let the church sing it gives me that same feeling and of course the goose-bumps.  It's so beautiful and powerful to be "sung at".  I always quickly remove my in-ear monitors and listen and am led by YOUR voices.  It's an amazing feeling and I thank you for letting me experience it.

The other day I was given one of the best compliments I've ever received.  Last week I went with Tosco and some of the other TMP folks to sing at local children's hospital.  One of the nurses there who also attends LFC said that a few weeks back her boyfriend (who is hearing impaired) said he could hear my voice for the first time.  We had done an acoustic version of "Doubt Comes In" by Anais Mitchell which I guess was quiet enough for him to hear the voices.  She told me that he had turned to her and said "she really has a beautiful voice".  That touched me more than he will probably ever know.  To be at church and always have to stare at the sign language interpreter just to know what we are singing and then one week be able to hear enough of us to know he liked it.  Beautiful...and here come those goose-bumps again.

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